Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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