Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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