I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
