and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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