I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
