I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
