I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
