Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
