I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize