Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
