Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
