So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
