Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
