You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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