The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this hospital has no fireball
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
