She's JV to your varsity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
