mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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