So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
