Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
