I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
