So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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