I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
