Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
