so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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