i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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