i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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