Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
