Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Are we still banned from the library?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
