I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
