There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
