don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize