Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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