im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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