every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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