i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
