Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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