Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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