forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
