I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A bitchslap is in order.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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