So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
