Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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