Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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