The maid of honor just puked.
I think I died a long time ago.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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