I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
