Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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