I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
