there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
