When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cut my penus on the lid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
