I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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