tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
