they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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