I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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