booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize