I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
