You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
