I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
