someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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