I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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