Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
