she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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