I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
