its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
