so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
