Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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