apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
