wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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