i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
