her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
