I'm eating all of the evidence.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
