i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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