I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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