You made me cry and you don't even care
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
