one two three fourrrrnication!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
